i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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