I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
