I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How naked do you want me to be?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
