If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
