Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
