what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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