Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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