The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
