dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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