So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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