Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
