I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
