she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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