Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
