I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
