Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
