I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
