Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
