I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
