At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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