I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
