Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
