so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
