Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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