wanna go halves on a baby?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
