its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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