she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
