i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
