Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
