Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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