420 ftw
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
