I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
