Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
