I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
