Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
