This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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