it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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