Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you inspire me to be a worse person
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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