Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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