its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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