You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
