can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
