she smelled like a LAN party
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They have beer where we have blood.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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