Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
