So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
