Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
