i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
