im drinking this country out of the recession.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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