very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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