fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
