I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
