Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
